Well, I talked to Paul yesterday, but only for the 30 minutes allotted to me. He can't call me more than that every day because his parents won't let him...and yes, his parents DO have that much control over him. He is 21 years old, however, he can't do anything with out their permission and approval. They drive him to work because he doesn't have a liscence, and they pick him up. he can't call me from home because apparently they don't like me. It doesn't matter that he has a calling card because he can only call me on his breaks, which are either 10 or 30 minutes long. it's been like this for about a week, and i feel like he doesn't know me anymore. actually, i've felt like he hasn't known me for awhile. He used to understand me better than anyone else. he knew my feelings and the way i would react to things, and he loved me. but lately i've been feeling like he doesn't even care. he still tells me that he loves me, but they're just words at this point. he doesn't do anything to prove it. i know he's working 2 jobs right now and trying really hard to pay his parents back, and the reason he said he's doing this is so he can leave again to come live with me, but i don't know if that's true anymore. I think he might only be saying that. I really don't know how he feels about me anymore or if he even cares if we're together. i'll be in california on monday, but i don't know if he'll even be able to see me, because he couldn't before. On another note, a really good friend of mine is really depressed because she'll be moving out of her house soon, and i don't think she really wants to. in fact, i know she doesn't really want to. she told me. i wish i could make her feel better, but i dob't know how. i mean, first of all, i'm in michigan, and she's in california...i'll see her when i get back and she said that she'll be happy about that, but i wish i could do more. i'll be helping her move, too, which should be interesting, but it won't be fun if i know that she's depressed about it. i do know, however, that when i get out there, i'm going to take her out and make her have fun and take her mind off everything that's going on. and she'll be doing the same for me. if she reads this, and she knows who she is, i want her to know that i LOVE her and that i'll ALWAYS be here for her, no matter what state i'm in at the time! On yet ANOTHER note, i've been trying to get in touch with other people from home that i haven't seen in awhile...one just called me today, and i don't know how i felt about hearing from her. we haven't talked in over 3 years, and i don't really know how it would be if we saw each other again. it would probably be ok because we used to be best friends, and it would be interesting to see how much of the person i knew is still there, but i don't know...it might be weird, too. there are about 3 people that i've tried to get in contact with that i haven't heard from, but hopefully they'll email me before i get out to cali...well, that's it for today...

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Ok, well, this is my first time doing anything like this...I've heard of people having online journals and this is the first time I thought to make one. I saw my friend joie's and I thought I would make one, too. i never really kept up with regular diaries and journals, so i don't know how well i will keep up with this one either...but i'll give it a shot. Um...this is finals week for me, and you'd think that i would be pretty busy, but that's not the case. I'm not really that busy because I'm only taking 3 classes right now and they're all humanities courses. I'll be back in Cali in about a week, and I'll be driving, so that means that I will have a car...THANK GOD!!! Anyone who knows me knows that I have to have a car or else i wither away and die. I can't wait to see Joie and Elaine, my best friends from California. I also can't wait to see my boyfriend, Paul. We have been going out for 6 months as of last Saturday. Which he forgot to call me for. A little background on me and Paul....well, we met last summer through a mutual friend and we hung out all day every day while i was home for three months. he made it pretty clear very early on that he wanted a relationship and i wasn't sure if i wanted one. i was happy with the life i had as a single female college student at an engineering school, but he just wouldn't leave me alone. don't get me wrong, i loved hanging out with him, but i just couldn't see a long-distance thing working between us since i didn't really do relationships to begin with. well, one thing led to another, and i realized that i didnt want to be with anyone else but him, and we agreed to give the long-distance thing a shot. well, after awhile, he decided that he was going to come out to michigan and live with me. and he did. and we lived together for about a month and a half. then one day, while i was at school, he left, and didn't talk to me for 3 days....when we finally talked, he told me that he still loved me, but that he couldn't live with me right that minute. so, he moved back home and is now living with his parents. well, it didn't take very long for his parents to start running his life, and now he has no liscence, no car, no cell phone, and he can't use their house phone to talk to me either. well, needless to say, our relationship is going to be very difficult if he can't talk to me, so i went out to california last week to see him. and i saw him for about 3 days out of the seven that i was there. i don't know how much longer we are going to be able to be together if something drastic doesn't happen very soon. by drastic i mean, either i change schools or he makes an effort to talk to me or see me more because i don't know how much longer i can handle the distance...not only the physical distance but the fact that we can't talk at all anymore either. anyway, that's something that we're going to need to figure out when i get out there.

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